Reflection Prompts...Last Blog...YEY!!

1. What are your plans as a writer (how do you expect to use writing in your future)?
I would like to become a writer of children's literature some day and I believe that this course helped me reflect on my past, especially when it came to doing our daily journals during the beginning of class. The writing prompts/questions allowed me to gather and create very useful lists that I can go back to in the future! Hopefully I can write a story about my experience living in Hawaii and the hurricane...the two subjects that I've talked extensively on during class discussions.

As an aspiring teacher, I would like to take what I've learned in this class to motivate my future students. I would like to use the same techniques used by the professor in getting my students to think and reflect on their own lives to create moving stories about the one thing that they're experts of...themselves!

2. Describe any changes in your writing style
I had a terrible experience in one of my previous writing courses a few semesters ago and that pretty much crushed my dreams of being a writer. This class allowed me to rethink my dream by writing about things that were of importance to me...myself! (hehe) In my previous classes, I always focused on creating stories for children. Since the assignments in this class made us think about our lives, I began to reflect on the experiences I had in the past. Just like what I said earlier, the lists helped me generate ideas for the essays.

3. Describe any changes in your writing process
This class taught me how to brainstorm and create lists to write about experiences that are important to me. I learned that I really have to think first before writing anything down. I reflected on my experiences first and really had to give some thought into it because our essays required that we find a focus in our paper. This class taught me how to brainstorm and create lists to write about an experience that is important to me.

4. Describe any changes in your attitude toward/interest in/understanding of writing in general, and CNF in particular.
When we made lists for our daily journals and had to reflect on our writing, I became interested in my own life. It made me realize that I actually have some good stories and experiences that I can share with the world! Just like what Meagan and Shannon said earlier, you motivated us to write! You motivated us to be interested in writing, and for this, I am forever grateful!!

5. What have you learned about yourself as a writer?
That I'm not so bad after all. Writing is a process and it takes some time. If you write more, you learn more, and this exactly what we did! Even though it took some time to reflect on my life to make my story better and actually have a focus to my writing, all that time spent sitting in front of the computer or stairing into space really helped me!

6. What features of your writing do you feel are most important for you to work on?
I noticed that my papers don't have a lot of dialogue because I'm not good when it comes to remembering things verbatim. I remember the experience and can write about that, but the dialogue is missing. I've noticed in the previous readings we've had that the addition of dialogue is what brings the paper to life and grabs the reader's attention and encourages them to read more. If I'm going to be an author of children's literature, I need to include dialogue so that kids will want to read the book.

Even though we were given some time to reflect on our writing, I feel that we didn't have enough time to really work on our essays...well for me personally. I was bogged down with a lot of assignments from my other course that I kind of let things slide with regards to this course. But yea...time flies when you're having fun! If only I had more time to reflect and work on my personal essays -- maybe it would have been different.

Essay Publication Venue

TINY LIGHTS: A JOURNAL OF PERSONAL NARRATIVES

I would like to send my first essay, "What I Gained Through the Pain", to Tiny Lights: A Journal of Personal Narratives because this venue accepts essays that are similar to the one that I have created. My essay is about my experience of a failed relationship and how taking kickboxing lessons helped to rebuild my self-esteem and eventually, helped me get over the pain. The main focus of my essay was that pain makes us grow. Though the growing process took some time, the mistakes that I've made and the pain that I had to endure all the more helped me realize that I needed to put myself first! This essay captures my growth as an individual and how kickboxing was an instrument that allowed me to find me and become the person that stands before you today!

Publication:

Tiny Lights: A Journal of Personal Narratives

Subject Matter:

Accepts a variety of topics just as long as it is a personal narrative ("I") or a memoir.

Voice:

My essay fits into this venue because it is a personal narrative. It is reflective, intimate, and was written as if I was telling a story. There are some parts in my essay where I think I added some humor into it though the subject matter at hand (a failed relationship) was more serious. Essays turned in for the contest must feature a distinctive voice.

Depth of Discussion, Form and Artistry:

Tiny Lights is looking for narrative personal essays. Essays turned in for the contest must show a conflict with an eventual shift in the narrator's perspective.

Length:

No more than 2,000 words

Politics:

My essay is clearly a feminist piece, really striving to show GIRL POWER! Tiny Lights requires that all writers communicate the truth of their experiences to the best of their abilities. While no restrictions apply to the essay contest, Tiny Lights will not consider essays with brutality or violence. They do not accept material written for children.

Submissions:

At present, Tiny Lights will only accept essays that are submitted for the 15th Annual Essay Contest which is due on February 14, 2009. They will only consider unpublished work or previously published material for which the author holds rights. For essays like this, rights will be given back to the author after it is published in Tiny Lights.

• Each essay must be accompanied by an entry fee of $15 for the first essay and $10 each addition essay.

• Make check payable to Tiny Lights Publications / Mail to: P.O. Box 928, Petaluma, CA 94953

• Essays must be mailed in a self-addressed, stamped envelope so that they can send feedback or contest notifications back to you.

• Entries should be typed and double-spaced. Title page of the manuscript should include the author's name, complete address, e-mail, phone number, and essay word count.

• Prizes will be awarded as follows:
  • First Place: $350
  • Second Place: $250
  • Third Place: $150
  • Two Honorable Mention Prizes: $100 each.
• Winners will be posted at http://www.tiny-lights.com/ by April 11, 2009.

• Winning essays may be edited before publication. Final copy must be approved by writer. No essays published without author's permission.

• All contestants will receive a hard copy of Tiny Lights' contest publication featuring the winning entries.

Blog #18 - Comments about Essay #4

Thanks to everyone that provided comments/feedback concerning my ideas for essay #4. As of right now, I think I'm going to go with food. I love food and it's what brings us all together. Just like what was mentioned in class, it's the one thing that everyone has in common - the love of food.

I don't know how I'm going to organize my essay just yet but I like the idea of making references to a menu (appetizers, main course, dessert, drinks, etc.) I can write about an appetizer and a moment when I met with old friends wherein we ate that particular appetizer (ex: calamari when meeting with Chicago friends in Chinatown).

If that idea doesn't work, I can also talk about food but in the sense of relating it to my family and how it's the one time of day where we all gather together and talk about our day.

Another idea about food that I can write about is some of my favorite Filipino foods and events wherein these foods were eaten during gatherings with family or friends.

I noticed that no one commented on my idea of writing about my journal! I think that would also be a good idea to write about because it's like an external image of who I am. In my journal, I keep quotes that are important to me, that have given me inspiration over time. I don't know...just a thought.

My heart's still not set on any one topic for essay #4. I still need to think this through a little more.

Ideas for Essay #4

Here's a list of various ideas I could work with for essay #4.

- My 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Wagner-Hall. She is the teacher that inspired me to become a teacher myself. I can write about what she did to influence my decision to pursue teaching as a career; key moment that impacted me

- Food and how it always brings people together for various occasions or just because; can talk about various moments when I met with friends again and eating out
* meeting Chicago friends at a restaurant in Chinatown
* meeting with Houston friends and eating at Bubba Gump in Times Square
* meeting new California friends and eating at Grimaldi's in Brooklyn
= desserts; courses in a meal; main courses; appetizers; breads; meats; different parts of relationships
= food is the one thing that everyone has in common
= food gives you a certain high (Jenny)
= you are what you eat (Meagan)
= whether or not you shared the food
= sit down restaurant with old friends or fast food with the "usual" people in life

- Journal filled with quotes --> pick out some of my favorite quotes; why did I put it in there? what is its importance?

Blog #15 - Important Places

As I have mentioned in class a few times, I've moved a total of 12 times during my 22 years here on earth. My dad is a minister for our Church and he is sent to various parts of the world to administer brethren there and disseminate the gospel of our faith. We've lived in various islands in Hawaii when I was younger. We then moved to the "mainland" and resided in California, Texas, Illinois, New Jersey, and now New York. This assignment is nearly impossible for me to complete at the moment because of school...unless someone wants to donate to the Camille Fund so that I can take a vacation to any one of these place! Just kidding...

Anyways, I guess one place that is of utmost importance to me is church/chapel. Since my life pretty much revolves around my religion, the one place that has consistantly been a key setting is the chapel. I find peace whenever I go in there knowing that I can lay all my cares on God, praying that He'll help me out with whatever problems that come along the way. I can't really describe what it looks like because they're all different, but regardless of that, the chapel is my sanctuary.

Blog #14 - Preparing for Essay #3

I have a lot of ideas of what I want to write about for Essay #3. Here are some of them. Let me know what you think.

1) After watching history being made last night, I have this overwhelming feeling of patriotism inside of me. I woke up this morning and this idea popped inside my head! I kind of want to write about something that deals with the USA. I'm leaning more towards the significance of colors, in particular the colors of red, white, and blue. Just like "Laundry" wherein the author wrote about her personal experiences, then jumping to how it has evolved over history and how people have used it, I want to do research on how the colors got associated with the two major parties in the US (democrat & republican) and I guess how those colors relate to my life (red -- blood and how I don't like blood, blue -- cold, being frozen, whatever!) I just think it would be cool doing research and actually finding out what these colors mean and why they are so significant, especially now.

2) Keys! Keys are important because they open locked doors, or can be a symbol for the future --> keys to success, whatever. Keys are significant to all of us because without it, we can't open doors and enter a new world.

3) Boxes! I've moved around a total of 12 times during my life. I've always been surrounded by boxes because my life pretty much goes into a box every 2-3 years. I don't know what to write about here, but I have an idea...can't really put it all down right now since you're all waiting to read this, so post any comments, please!! It'll surely help me move along.

Thanks everyone!!

-------------------------------------

I appreciate everyone's comments and I think I'm going to write about boxes. I'll save the other two ideas for essay #4. After living in our current house for more than 2 years, we actually still have a whole room dedicated to unopened boxes. My parents know that we don't need these things anymore, yet we still haven't discarded any of them. Here's what' I'm planning on including in my essay. It's a really MESSY list but I hope by getting it all down, it'll help me along the way.

- My parents coming to America when I was a year old and my sister only 3 months old. They brought with them x amount of boxes from the Philippines when we moved to Hawaii. They always tell us stories of how hard it was lugging around boxes from here to there with two kids attached at the hip. I guess I'll start with these few boxes...what's inside and it's importance. Do my parents still have any of these things that they first brought with them to America? Hmm...I guess we'll see.

- I can write about the move from Hawaii to California...the first move to the "mainland". I was 7 years old and that was the first time I realized that I was going to start a new life, leaving my old friend and everything that I grew up knowing behind. The only things that were of importance to me at that age were my stuffed animals. Where are they now?? I guess we'll see.

- Living in Houston and waiting to move to Canada. We didn't move to Canada but we were supposed to. We put everything in boxes and it stayed there for a good 4 months. Why? I don't know.

- I can also talk about getting used to moving and how my family became expert "packers".

- Labeling boxes (clothes, shoes, school files, etc.) What is it's significance? Which one do I open up first?

- Moving from Detroit to Elizabeth, NJ. Being so eager to unpack everything because our house was big.

- Move from NJ to LIC, NY = from a big house to a "tiny" one. Why do we still have so many boxes? Why haven't we opened them yet?

** possible focus: (thanks Lauren) my relationship to boxes; fear of unpacking boxes in fear that I might move again; starting over, etc.

Blog #13 - Describe Someone You Know

For Blog 13: describe the character of someone you know in terms of clothing. Write into the details. Only describe what you can see and use your description to tell as much as you can about who this person is. We will read these descriptions in class and see how much your description lets us know about vocation, age, gender, interests, and so on.
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Here's blog #2 that I would like to skip. Sorry! I'm trying to catch up with my other classes, trying to finishing other assignments, so...there's no entry.

Blog #12 - Write about a Photograph

I've always wanted to walk the Brooklyn Bridge, but was even more inspired to do so after seeing Sex and the City when Miranda and Steve met in the middle of the bridge after not seeing each other for two weeks. If they met at that designated spot at the exact time they agreed upon, then they would leave all of their problems and such in the past. Well they did and it was so romantic!! Anyways, my friends and I decided to have a girls night out by walking the Brooklyn Bridge and then have dinner. It was originally going to be girls only but since our other guy friends wanted to come, they tagged along.

We did this on a Monday in June of this year around 5PM when everyone got out of work. Luckily, it was gorgeous outside! We started on the Manhattan side and it took us about 20 minutes to get to Brooklyn. We were like tourists taking pictures of everything we saw along the way, like the manmade waterfalls scattered along the Hudson River. When we got to Brooklyn, we went to Grimaldi's Pizzeria and waited in the longest line! We were standing for a little more than 45 minutes just waiting to get inside. After dinner, we went to the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory which was walking distance from Grimalidi's. We took a bunch of pictures with the beautiful city skyline as our backdrop. We could even see the Statue of Liberty to the left of us and the Queensboro Bridge to the right. After eating our dessert, we headed back to Manhattan on the bridge. It was hard not to look down and get scared because you could see the cars passing underneath through the gaps between the wood. All in all, it was an awesome night! I had the best time with my friends and this moment was definitely one of the highlights of my summer. It was a new experience for many of us and the wonderful summer breeze that night just made it even better!

I guess it's important to note post writing our personal essays that this was a result of taking kickboxing classes. I wanted to try new things and going on the Brooklyn Bridge that day was my idea :o)

Blog #11 - Personal Item Story

I bought a pack of 12 yellow highlighters (Highlighter Hype! from Staples to be exact) during the second semester of freshman year. I used to use the neon pink, blue, and green ones back in high school because it looked "pretty" against the plain white paper. As soon as I got to college and began reading pages and pages of research findings, stories, essays, etc. for homework, I found that it got a little sloppy and the ink seeped through the back of the page, which really annoyed me.

Highlighters are very important to me because it captures vital information that I will need to produce papers during my academic career. Now that I'm in the last phase of my undergraduate studies, I can't live without my highlighters! It's like me going to class without a writing utensil; I need my highlighters so that the information sticks out to me. It also helps me to understand what I'm reading because I can piece the information together based on what was highlighted and then produce my own summary of what it was all about.

Blog #10 - So...whatcha gonna do now, huh?!

During class on Wednesday, Dr. Chandler gave us a series of questions to think about regarding our two personal essays. We basically compared the two to see which one to revise for a final grade. Some of the things we needed to think about were: purpose of each essay, audience, importance of the content, if we liked it or not, does it have a good idea or concept, does it meet the requirements of the assignment, which one would be the easiest to revise, etc. Based on my answers to these questions, I have decided to revise my essay #2. Since both of my essays are based on the same event in my life (going through a break up and then discovering kickboxing), I wanted to do essay #2 because it emcompasses both of them. Both essays were fairly easy to write because these events took place within the past few months. It was hard trying to go back in time to rethink my thoughts and the feelings I felt but the great advantage of it is that I documented these moments in my personal journal. I was able to get my ideas for my essays from there.

Blog #9 - Draft #2 of Personal Essay "Kickin' Ass"

*Names have been changed just like essay #1.

And so it was. After three years, two months, and nine days, our relationship was finally over. I thought everything was going to be okay, that he'd forgive me for being so stupid, for overreacting, for breaking up with him when I shouldn't have done so. It was different this time and unlike any other fight we had in the past. It was over. Daniel no longer wanted anything to do with me. He said that he wanted/needed more time to think things through, to figure out why God allowed this to happen to us. He said that he prayed for "signs" that would guide him to his decision on whether or not he should take me back. He was waiting and so was I. We were both waiting for that sign but it never came. And so "we" were over.

Days following the breakup, I thought about every word exchanged between us over and over again, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Obviously I was stupid for breaking it off in the first place because I did it out of spite. It wasn't because I didn't love him; it was my jealousy and anger that got the best of me. Well, how was I supposed to react when he didn't call me at the time he said he was supposed to?! Was he out with another girl? Was he cheating on me? Or was it something small, something that I shouldn't even worry about? Was his phone on silent that he couldn't hear it? What if he accidentally left it at home, so obviously he couldn't hear it and call me back? But what if something terribly bad happened to him? Maybe he got into a car accident and died suddenly without saying goodbye?! All of these questions kept running through my mind and wouldn't shut up! At around 2AM, I finally got the call from Daniel. I was relieved that he was alive but extremely upset that it took him so long to get back to me. So yes, he should have called to let me know where he was but I shouldn't have gotten mad at him to the point where I broke off our relationship. He said that I didn't trust him, and looking back at it now, I guess I didn't. I overreacted and so it was over.

My world was turned upside down when "we" were over. It was such a big change not having him in my life anymore. He was the first person I talked to in the morning and the last voice I heard before going to bed at night. My days were incomplete without him and I felt lost. Days turned into weeks and I couldn't shake off that feeling. I was empty inside because the better half of me, my motivation, my inspiration, was gone. During this time, my friends constantly reminded me that I was "too good for him" and that "there's other fish in the sea" but I didn't want to go fishing. I wanted him back.

About a month after the breakup, I met up with my best friend Kristy at Applebee's on Morris Ave. I hadn't seen her in a really long time so we updated each other on what was happening in our lives. She told me about her husband and how happy she was about being married and I on the flipside told her about my breakup. Talk about polar opposites! Anyways, she said something that really got to me. I don't remember exactly what she said but I definitely had an "a-ha" moment. I realized that I was no longer "me". For the past three years, my life revolved around him, I guess I should say, my life WAS him. Everything I did revolved around him. Whatever he wanted to do, I would do. Wherever he wanted to go, I'd go too. Whatever he wanted to eat, I'd eat, and on and on and on. It was never about my wants or my needs. It was all about him. It was at that moment when I felt like a total bitch, his little bitch that did everything in her power to please her master. I failed to realize that I died. I was with a man that slowly killed me.

I then said to myself, "Enough is enough!" I wasn't going to waste my time and energy feeling sorry for myself. I wanted a change; I needed a change.

As soon as I got home that day, I was on a quest to "find myself". I searched online for about two hours to see if there was anything I could find that would improve me. I obviously knew that it was going to take some time, but I needed to start somewhere. I was really excited about this new journey I was going to take. I wanted to do something that I never had the opportunity to do before, so I googled in "classes - nyc". I've always wanted to learn how to play the violin, I said to myself, so why not look for an instructor that would teach me. Too expensive? What about dance lessons? Maybe I'll find a really hot guy that'll teach me how to salsa and then dance right on into my heart?! Ah...but I have two left feet so he'll probably be turned off by lack of coordination and rhythm. Then I thought, what about kickboxing? I've always wanted to do that, and plus I needed to get in shape for the summer to look my best in the two-piece bikini I just bought.

And there it was on Craig's List. A woman advertising her kickboxing classes in the city - $10 for the first class or bring a friend and your class is free! That's not so bad, I said to myself. I'll just keep bringing more friends so that I won't have to pay for the class. The next think I did was to look at hopstop.com to see if the venue was close to my house. Sure enough, it was only one train ride and about six stops away. Great! I didn't even have to transfer. I was excited because I knew something great was going to come out of this.

*****

It was an all-girls class. The studio was smaller than I expected but it was a good enough size to fit the seven of us. There were mirrors on the wall but the instructor insisted on covering them with white sheets so that none of us would feel self-conscious about our moves.

"Welcome to the class everyone!" Heather said. "I'm really excited to have you all here today. I hope you've brought some anger with you cause we're definitely gonna punch it out."

As soon as she said that, I knew I was in the right place. With whatever I had bottled up inside, I knew that it was going to come out one way or the other. Warm ups were finally over and the bulk of the class was done doing this:

"Jab, jab, jab!" Heather yelled.
"Jab, jab, cross!"
"Jab, cross, jab!"
"Jab, uppercut, cross, kick!"

I was sweating like a pig but I didn't care. I felt so empowered and ready to fight the world. Heather told us to picture someone in our head, someone that "pissed us off", and just punch it out. I did, and I hadn't felt that good in a really long time. I wasn't just punching air; I was punching all the negativity out of me.

*****

I looked forward to Tuesday nights from that day onward. I told all my friends about it, encouraging them to join me, not only because I wanted the free class but because it was a wonderful way to release stress and get in shape all at the same time. Through my words and my actions, everyone around me noticed a great shift in my personality. My attitude and outlook on life changed and I was willing to try new things and be more spontaneous. Through my experience, I learned to love me first before anyone else. I was kickin' ass every step of the way!

"So..." Kristy said during one of our recent conversations on the phone. "If you had the chance to go back and change anything, would you?"

It didn't take me long to respond to her question. "No," I said, "I wouldn't change anything at all."

It's times like these that you value the most in your life. Even though I lost three years of my life, I learned so much from it. (add more here...reflection??!)

In-Class Post for Dr. Chandler

As I read through the comments my fellow classmates wrote for me, I agree with everyone and I feel that this session totally helped! Each of them gave a different concept/main idea that I can use in my writing and I guess my job is to mesh all of their thoughts into one "thing" the entire piece is going to be about. I already know what I want to write about and I can visualize the scenes I will be including in my essay, but my question to you is: what are you looking for in my essay that I should include? Like I said, I totally agree with everyone's comments and I will take them into consideration as I write my second essay.

Blog #8 - Reflect for Personal Essay #2

As I look back at the various responses I have in my journal, I notice two items that seem to come up over and over again - hurricanes and kickboxing. I would love to write my second essay on either one of these topics, but I'm leaning more towards writing about kickboxing since it is the most recent event that has happened in my life. My closest friends have noticed that kickboxing has had a great impact on the way I carry myself and the way I live my life now. I would like to write about my experience this summer and how I started kickboxing classes because it sort of relates to my first essay about my breakup with the "ex". Since both of these events happened around the same time and since the emotions are still fresh in my mind, it won't be that difficult (or maybe it will??) to write the second essay.

Even though my mind's 99.98% made up and my heart's set on writing about kickboxing, I'm still having second thoughts on wanting to write about my experience in a hurricane. This happened when I was about 6 years old when my family lived in Hawaii. If I write my essay on this event, it would be similar to "Biography of a Dress" because I would have to reflect on what happened in the past. This would be interesting because it's something unique written from a child's perspective. This would also be quite difficult because I don't remember a lot of what happened that day. If I were to write about the hurricane, I can already see myself adding false information in order to make it better, which we have learned, is misleading and not the "right way" of producing a creative nonfiction piece. So I guess my mind's 100% made up now - kickboxing it is.

So my kickboxing story...I guess I can start off with the breakup and how "crappy" I felt. Another scene can be about me wanting to move on when I finally realized that I was "too good" to sit around, waiting for someone else to make me happy. I knew that I wanted something new, something better, so I can talk about searching online for classes to take in the city in order for me to explore what's out in the world and just have new experiences as a single person. I can talk about stumbling upon a woman's ad on Craig's List advertising her kickboxing class. I can then explain how this discovery served as a stepping stone for me to move on. Another "episode" will definitely be my first kickboxing class and how liberating it made me feel. There's just so much I can do with this that I'm getting really exciting just talking about it now.

Since we have to choose between which essay we'd like to revise and do a final copy on, my advantage of writing about two events that are connected is that this will allow me to use both my essays for final grading. I will get advice from all you lovely people as well as the professor on how to mesh these two essays together into one.

Blog #7 - Experience Writing First Essay

For my first personal essay, I decided to write a memoir about a turning point in my life when my boyfriend and I broke up. I wrote it as if I was writing in my journal but for an audience to read. I wrote about how this experience helped me realize how to be patient and that everything happens for a reason. I decided that I wanted it to be an example of "accumulation" because the story chronicled different days that came together in the end.

As I prepared to write this story, I looked at my personal journal and read past entries. I took different moments throughout this period of my life to include in the paper. This essay was originally supposed to be about kickboxing and what I learned from it (which kind of related to the breakup) but this first essay turned out to be about what I learned personally and how it gave me more faith to just believe in what God could do for me.

I realized alot of things about myself as I wrote this essay but I feel like the entire story wasn't told properly - it can be better. Based on my conference with Dr. Chandler, I feel like that this essay needs more scenes wherein I'm realizing that this relationship wasn't going to work out. I need to change my focus so that my audience can relate to my story because I feel that the first draft was lacking that.

When I revise this essay, I would like to focus more on my discovery of what love is. During the conference, I realized that I couldn't see what love was all about until I got out of the relationship. I also realized that when I was in the relationship, all I wanted to do was to keep the "love" even though it wasn't the real kind of love that's described in the Bible.

For my second essay, I have two ideas on what I want to write about - either kickboxing or experiencing a hurricane when I was younger. If I write about kickboxing, that will relate to my first essay since both of them happened almost at the same point in my life. If I write about the hurricane, I would like to model it after "Biography of a Dress" by Kincaid because it will be written during the present as I look back at what happened to me when I was younger and how it has shaped the way I view life and the world in general.

Blog #6 - Draft #1 of Personal Essay "Patience"

** Names have been altered to conceal the identity of those that I’m talking about

Dear Daniel,
Before we started “talking” three years ago, I asked God to bless me with someone I could call my friend and my partner. I wanted someone who was tall and very handsome; someone who I could sing with, someone who was funny, and someone who could cook. I wanted someone who got along with my family, someone I could tell my secrets to, and be myself with; someone who was hardworking and had high hopes for the future. God answered my prayers three years ago and gave me you.
I really saw a future with you and I really thought (and still do believe) that you were (are) the perfect person for me...and I'm going to quote you on this and say that you were (and still are) one of my favorite blessings. After three years, I really saw you as a main character in my future, someone I would share the rest of my life with.
Anyways, just like any other relationship, we also had our share of downs like the countless fights we would have because of my insecurities about other girls, your insecurities about other boys, etc. etc. etc. I guess there's just too many to mention, huh? Well, I'd rather not include them, but you know what I mean. After all the fights, God still wanted us to be together.
If I haven't said it enough, I'm sorry for all the pain that I have put you through. I'm sorry if I haven't grown enough for you and if my trust wasn't up to your standards. I'm sorry that I didn't offer you the happiness you deserved. In spite of all the ups and lots and lots of downs, I really did enjoy our roller coaster ride. You stole my heart three years ago, so I kinda want it back...I gotta have something to give to the next person that comes along, and here's your heart that I've stolen. I hope it's still in working condition.
Love, Me

A lot has changed within this past month. Daniel and I are no longer together. I understand that it was my fault and I really do miss him. I can't stop thinking about him but I need to; I want to and so does he. Yesterday I went to see him at work because he wasn't answering my phone calls nor was he replying to my e-mails. I was there at 11:30 AM waiting for him; a little stockerish, I know. Anyways, my mission was to win him back. I figured that since it worked during our last major fight, then going to his working place would be even better. I prayed to God for His help and guidance and He told me to just go there and do what I needed to do. At first, I was really nervous. But I knew deep down inside that God was with me.

I waited in the car since 11:30 AM dressed really cute in the sparkly skirt that Daniel loved. My plan didn't really go the way I wanted it to because he was stuck in a 5-hour meeting. I ended up staying there the whole day, waiting and waiting. When he finally came out, we went to Cold Stone a few blocks away to talk. To make a long story short, I really wanted things to work out between us; I really wanted him back. Unfortunately (or maybe it's for the better) I'm here now, without Daniel.

I realized today that the past three years have really been about him, as in him really being my “everything”. I now realize that I had no choice but to make him my everything. When my family moved to New York, I had to split my time between going to school in Jersey and staying home in Long Island City. Whenever I was in Jersey, I had to divide my time doing school work and time spent with him since that was the only time I got to see him. Whenever I was in LIC, I had to balance my time between family, school work, church, and squeezing in time for him. So yes, I did make him my “everything” because I had no other choice but to. I know that things happen for a reason and things are supposed to happen because it's what God wants. I know I have to suffer now and be lonely, but I also know deep down inside everything is going to get better. I have to believe that my unhappiness is only temporary.

Yesterday on our way to Elizabeth, Dad talked to us about "relationships". He said that if the “love” that is described in the Bible isn't present in a relationship, then there really is no love to begin with. I looked online as soon as we got back home to see what the verse says and sadly enough, I really didn’t love Daniel. As much as I said it with words and tried to show it with my actions, I never really trusted him. I never let him have his freedom because of my insecurities that he would cheat on me. I was very jealous of him and the people he hung out with and well, I guess I just never really loved love him.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

As I look back at our relationship, I had the love all wrong. I was never patient, I was sometimes kind, I did envy and I was rude. I was easily angered and I did keep a record of all his wrongs. I guess our love failed.

God...please help me and please grant my prayers. I'm really trying and I know you see that I'm trying but please help me to be patient and to endure. Let love always be in my heart, the pure and genuine love that is not jealous or angry. Help me to get through this. Help me see the reason why this all happened and let me be thankful that this is happening because it's bringing me closer to You. Just please...let me have my chance of happiness again. I know it will come soon, just help me to wait patiently.

Blog #7 - The "truth" in O'Brien's Story

The purpose for writing this blog is to find out the "truth" from O'Brien's essay entitled "How to Tell a True War Story". To be honest, I loved the story and the way the author elaborately talks about war and how it is both beautiful and ugly at the same time. I enjoyed the story about Rat and how his best friend, Lemon, died. I pitied Rat when he poured his heart and soul into writing the letter for "cooze" and never receiving a reply. Even though the details about the water buffalo were disgusting, it made the essay rich and brought the events to life.

However, I do not understand what I'm supposed to label as the "truth" in this story. Based on my understanding of the reading, the "truth" is that war is crazy. O'Brien says, "If a story seems moral, do not believe it" because the actual events usually get mixed up in our heads and when it comes time to say it, it comes out another way. In other words, the truth is contradictory.

Blog #6 - Personal Ranking of All Readings

I have good news and bad news...let's start with the good news. My cousin got married over the weekend and I was a part of the entourage. Yey!!! But because of all the craziness with family members flying in from all over the country, even as far away as the Philippines, I'll give you the bad news...I didn't have a lot of time to reflect on all of the readings that we've done in class and actually rank them according to the criteria of our personal essay. Since Dr. Chandler said that we could miss one blog, I'll use that "no homework pass" for this one. Sorry!!

Blog #5 - Drummond & Danticat

The main focus of "Alive" by Drummond is pretty much summed up by the last sentence in the essay: "Alertness, tolerance, compassion, suspicion: none of it matters. I am vulnerable simple because I'm alive." Even though she was a police officer and had the experience and training to
not fear the bald-headed man, she was still afraid because she was not that same person she was two years before. The mear fact that she is a human made her vulnerable to any attack that might have happened.

The main focus of "Wesbury Court" by Danticat was the fire that occured in the apartment building where she lived in Brooklyn. From this, Danticat included other events that were related to the fire and how it changed her life completely. Though the neighborhood increasingly became dangerous and filled with much violence over the years, Westbury Court was still her home.

I believe that the main idea that connected these two essays together is the theme of "safety". Both wrote about tragic/scary moments in their lives that made them question if they were safe. If I were to look at the structure, Drummond decided to segment her essay using breaks in between the paragraphs in order to create tension in the reader's mind. Her essay was short and considered an easy read but had a powerful message that made a great impact on me (the reader).

With regards to Danticat's essay, she decided to write the essay without breaks in between the paragraphs. I believe she did this in order to make the story flow. Even though it seemed like her thoughts were constantly shifting from one point to something totally different, it was written in a "stream-of-conscious" (thanks Diana for coming up with this word - so perfect in how it describes the writing of this essay) type of way.

Though the essays were fairly short, the words they used throughout were powerful and made an impact in the reader. I was able to envision everything they were talking about which, in the end, allowed me to see the essays' deeper meaning and purpose as to why it was written in the first place.

Blog #4 - Schwartz, "My Father Always Said"

The overall focus of the essay "My Father Always Said" by Mimi Schwartz are her father's typical sayings when she was a teenager growing up in Forest Hills, Queens. From this, Schwartz talks extensively about her experience as an American teenager whose parents fled from their hometown of Rindheim when the Nazis forced them to leave during World War II.

In each section, Schwartz goes back and forth from the past of when she was a teenager to the present looking back at her youth. The opening section gives the reader a brief description of her life in Forest Hills, Queens. Her upbringing in America is different from her father's because she has more freedom to go out and do as she pleases, though it is against her fathers wishes. At the end of this section, Schwartz realizes the irony in his father's three favorite sayings ("In Rindheim, you didn't do such things!", "I don't care about everybody!", and "Forest Hills, Queens is not the world.") when they go on a trip to Rindheim at the age of thirteen.

In the second section, Schwartz is in Rindheim with her family in her father's hometown. She wants to go into the house that he grew up in but her father refuses to enter. She sees how different life is in this town compared to her neighborhood in Forest Hills. They reach the synagogue where he would spend his Friday nights. They also find out that the synagogue was converted into a Protestant Evangelical Church in order to accomodate Eastern Germans that settled in Rindheim.

Section 3 starts with Schwartz's father talking about the importance of being in the synagogue on Friday nights. She also begins to see the shift in her father's personality while there in Rindheim. In this section, she describes the man who was a leader, like a Moses who lead his family out of harms way and brought them into America. She notices this change when her mother, for the first time, takes over and serves as the leader. Schwartz also hears about the story of Kristallnacht when all the Jews finally realized that they had to leave in order to save themselves from the Nazis.

In section 4, the family is in the Jewish cemetery. She remembers how the sun lit the names on the gravestones, all somewhat erect yet tilted on either side. She remembers the silence and solemnity of that place looking at each gravestone picturing the people that once lived in that town. Her father also tells her about Tante Rosa who was "deported" because she didn't think the Nazis would bother her. She then remembered all of the other people who had no gravestone of their own because they were killed in the death camps.

The last section starts with Schwartz giving an account of how many people from Rindheim were "deported" or died in concentration camps. She did not know this information when she was a teenager. It was much later when she did her research that she found this out. Schwartz, in the present, described how that trip transformed her father because he no longer said his three favorite sayings. He took up golfing and played with his American friends. He seemed more optimistic and encouraged his daughter to try new things by saying, "Smile, smile! You are a lucky girl to be here!" I guess in a way, Schwartz's father left his old self behind in Rindheim and became a new man because of it.

The gaps in the sections serve as a breaking point wherein the reader could absorb everything that was read. Schwartz would jump back in time and talk about her trip and then go back to the present in another section. Since the subject matter was "heavy", she included the breaks in order for the reader to fully understand and reflect on her experience as a teenager growing up with parents that went through the Holocaust. These breaks helped the reader see how her understanding of her parents and life in general shifted as she got older.

Blog #3 - Orwell & Montaigne vs. everybody else

There are many similarities and differences that distinguish Orwell's "Shooting an Elephant" and Montaigne's "That Men Should Not Judge of our Happiness Till After our Death" from the more contemporary works that we've previously read for class.

Orwell's story is similar to "Superman and Me", "Out There", and "Biography of a Dress" because they all read like fiction. These works contain many elements that are found in fiction such as character, setting, plot, etc. The tone in Orwell's piece is strong as with the three examples mentioned because the author's diction evokes emotions in the reader (such as myself) to know exactly what the character is going through and feeling at that moment. There is dramatic tension in Orwell's piece when the main character is torn between having to shoot the elephant in order to not look like a fool in front of others, versus his desire to just leave it alone since it wasn't doing anything to harm him. Dramatic tension can also be found in the three pieces mentioned above because each character had to make a decision that would alter the course of the story and their lives. Orwell's piece is similar to Kincaid's "Biography of a Dress" because the story was centered on one moment - Orwell's centering on his encounter with the elephant, and Kincaid's when she was two years old when her mother made her a dress.

The only similarity that stood out with regards to Montaigne's piece and Lott's "Toward a Definition of Creative Nonfiction" is the use of quotations. Montaigne and Lott's pieces are similar because they are written in the form of an "essai", while the examples mentioned above read like fiction.

Compared to Montaigne's piece, the others were easy reads because of the language that was used throughout. Because Montaigne's piece was written at a much earlier time, the language used in his "essai" made it more difficult to understand. According to Lott's "Definition of Creative Nonfiction", humans want to have and create order in everything that they do, which includes their writing. It seemed to me that Montaigne was trying to create that order in his essay while the other writers created a pattern in their stories that made it flow more naturally. I guess Montaigne's piece was harder for me to understand which is why it was so different from all the other readings we've done in class.

Blog #2 - Lott and Kincaid Readings

In Lott's "Toward a Definition of Creative Nonfiction", Lott does not give an exact definition of what CNF is because he believes that the only way writers will be able to fully understand this style of writing is by creating our own stories or conducting our own tests. What writers need to keep in mind is that we, ourselves, are the creative elements of our own stories - we are the main character!

Creative nonfiction can take on many forms. Many people decide to write CNF in order to preserve special events in their lives, good or bad, as with the case in Kincaid's "Biography of a Dress". I found that Kincaid used Literary Triangulation in her story because she looked at herself "again and again in many different ways from all angles in order to see itself most fully" (Lott, pg. 274). Kincaid wrote retrospectively looking back to when she was two years old, yet in parentheses explained her thinking and current state-of-mind. She fulfills a significant part of CNF in that she shows rather than tells. Kincaid uses a lot of descriptive words to explain to the reader what is happening, bringing us back to when she was two years old when her mother was making the dress for her.

Another definition that Lott coined for creative nonfiction is to question if the writing is "wisdom, or folly". According to dictionary.com, "folly" is "the state or quality of being foolish, or the lack of understanding or sense". I must admit that I didn't really understand what Lott was talking about with regards to wisdom and folly, but if I had to take a wild guess, I'd say that Kincaid demonstrated this in her writing. She did this because she was writing retrospectively about an event in her childhood when her state-of-mind was that where she was foolish and lacked understanding. She included the remarks in parentheses (ex: "I did not ask then because I could not ask then and I ask now but no one can answer me, really answer me" (pg. 212)) because she wanted to redeem herself and say that she no longer is in the same state-of-mind. She asked the questions 'Why did I do that?', 'What was I thinking?', 'Who was I trying to kid?', and 'What did I hope to achieve?' (Lott, pg. 273) and answered them in her writing by means of the comments in parentheses.

Blog #1 - My Definition of Creative Nonfiction

Based on the readings, creative non-fiction is a factual story written in a way that will grab the reader's attention. Creative non-fiction writers are very detailed with regards to who the story is about, where the story is taking place, giving the purpose as to why they are writing the story. As I was reading the articles, I felt as if I was actually the person driving in the middle of nowhere, running away from the lunatic that was trying to kill me! I felt as if I was the Indian boy who loved to read just about anything in hopes that I could break the stereotype and "save my life". I felt like the woman writing in her notebook, looking back and reminiscing on the past quotes and entries, trying to figure out why I put them there in the first place!

These writers put me (the reader) in their shoes by showing me, through their words, the actions taking place.

My First Blog

Test, test....1...2...3.

Just checking to see if this works. I am looking forward to how my blogspot will transform and grow throughout the semester.

-Camille