** Names have been altered to conceal the identity of those that I’m talking about
Dear Daniel,
Before we started “talking” three years ago, I asked God to bless me with someone I could call my friend and my partner. I wanted someone who was tall and very handsome; someone who I could sing with, someone who was funny, and someone who could cook. I wanted someone who got along with my family, someone I could tell my secrets to, and be myself with; someone who was hardworking and had high hopes for the future. God answered my prayers three years ago and gave me you.
I really saw a future with you and I really thought (and still do believe) that you were (are) the perfect person for me...and I'm going to quote you on this and say that you were (and still are) one of my favorite blessings. After three years, I really saw you as a main character in my future, someone I would share the rest of my life with.
Anyways, just like any other relationship, we also had our share of downs like the countless fights we would have because of my insecurities about other girls, your insecurities about other boys, etc. etc. etc. I guess there's just too many to mention, huh? Well, I'd rather not include them, but you know what I mean. After all the fights, God still wanted us to be together.
If I haven't said it enough, I'm sorry for all the pain that I have put you through. I'm sorry if I haven't grown enough for you and if my trust wasn't up to your standards. I'm sorry that I didn't offer you the happiness you deserved. In spite of all the ups and lots and lots of downs, I really did enjoy our roller coaster ride. You stole my heart three years ago, so I kinda want it back...I gotta have something to give to the next person that comes along, and here's your heart that I've stolen. I hope it's still in working condition.
Love, Me
A lot has changed within this past month. Daniel and I are no longer together. I understand that it was my fault and I really do miss him. I can't stop thinking about him but I need to; I want to and so does he. Yesterday I went to see him at work because he wasn't answering my phone calls nor was he replying to my e-mails. I was there at 11:30 AM waiting for him; a little stockerish, I know. Anyways, my mission was to win him back. I figured that since it worked during our last major fight, then going to his working place would be even better. I prayed to God for His help and guidance and He told me to just go there and do what I needed to do. At first, I was really nervous. But I knew deep down inside that God was with me.
I waited in the car since 11:30 AM dressed really cute in the sparkly skirt that Daniel loved. My plan didn't really go the way I wanted it to because he was stuck in a 5-hour meeting. I ended up staying there the whole day, waiting and waiting. When he finally came out, we went to Cold Stone a few blocks away to talk. To make a long story short, I really wanted things to work out between us; I really wanted him back. Unfortunately (or maybe it's for the better) I'm here now, without Daniel.
I realized today that the past three years have really been about him, as in him really being my “everything”. I now realize that I had no choice but to make him my everything. When my family moved to New York, I had to split my time between going to school in Jersey and staying home in Long Island City. Whenever I was in Jersey, I had to divide my time doing school work and time spent with him since that was the only time I got to see him. Whenever I was in LIC, I had to balance my time between family, school work, church, and squeezing in time for him. So yes, I did make him my “everything” because I had no other choice but to. I know that things happen for a reason and things are supposed to happen because it's what God wants. I know I have to suffer now and be lonely, but I also know deep down inside everything is going to get better. I have to believe that my unhappiness is only temporary.
Yesterday on our way to Elizabeth, Dad talked to us about "relationships". He said that if the “love” that is described in the Bible isn't present in a relationship, then there really is no love to begin with. I looked online as soon as we got back home to see what the verse says and sadly enough, I really didn’t love Daniel. As much as I said it with words and tried to show it with my actions, I never really trusted him. I never let him have his freedom because of my insecurities that he would cheat on me. I was very jealous of him and the people he hung out with and well, I guess I just never really loved love him.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
As I look back at our relationship, I had the love all wrong. I was never patient, I was sometimes kind, I did envy and I was rude. I was easily angered and I did keep a record of all his wrongs. I guess our love failed.
God...please help me and please grant my prayers. I'm really trying and I know you see that I'm trying but please help me to be patient and to endure. Let love always be in my heart, the pure and genuine love that is not jealous or angry. Help me to get through this. Help me see the reason why this all happened and let me be thankful that this is happening because it's bringing me closer to You. Just please...let me have my chance of happiness again. I know it will come soon, just help me to wait patiently.
Rehearsal + final questions about portfolios
13 years ago
2 comments:
oooh - you're looking for someone "tall and very handsome...someone who was funny, and someone who could cook..." You and me both, woman! :)
I think your use of the letter and the Corinthians verse is so sweet. It's one of my favorite verses, and it's also a good base for your idea here - which is you figuring out that (maybe) you never really loved him like you thought you did. The juxtaposing is really neat here, since you have 4 (count 'em!) "sources" you use here, from the letter to the verse to the prayer. I find it hard to have that much going on at once, so I salute you!
You're really onto something with the "As I look back" lines towards the end - If I were you, I'd start with that, or at least move it up more. That may mean sacrificing or modifying the letter, tho, so it's a judgment call.
In that little "look back" passage, you mention your envy, your rudeness - I'd like to see more, maybe specifics if you're ok with that. Give me gory details! (I just like gory details...)
Something that's cool to consider is perhaps sprinkling parts of the letter or the verse throughout the piece. Like if you quote "love is patient", immediately go into how you felt you were not patient, give examples, show us where you think you went wrong. Or right, if you feel like defending yourself instead. Then go to the next thing "love is kind" - show us where you were unkind....make it jar a bit.
wow!!! Thank you sooo much for all of your suggestions! I love your suggestion on spreading the Corinthians verse all throughout the essay, and then giving examples of each. Brilliant! Again, thanks for your thoughts! Look for the updates in the final essay (if I choose to do this one, of course).
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