Blog #12 - Write about a Photograph

I've always wanted to walk the Brooklyn Bridge, but was even more inspired to do so after seeing Sex and the City when Miranda and Steve met in the middle of the bridge after not seeing each other for two weeks. If they met at that designated spot at the exact time they agreed upon, then they would leave all of their problems and such in the past. Well they did and it was so romantic!! Anyways, my friends and I decided to have a girls night out by walking the Brooklyn Bridge and then have dinner. It was originally going to be girls only but since our other guy friends wanted to come, they tagged along.

We did this on a Monday in June of this year around 5PM when everyone got out of work. Luckily, it was gorgeous outside! We started on the Manhattan side and it took us about 20 minutes to get to Brooklyn. We were like tourists taking pictures of everything we saw along the way, like the manmade waterfalls scattered along the Hudson River. When we got to Brooklyn, we went to Grimaldi's Pizzeria and waited in the longest line! We were standing for a little more than 45 minutes just waiting to get inside. After dinner, we went to the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory which was walking distance from Grimalidi's. We took a bunch of pictures with the beautiful city skyline as our backdrop. We could even see the Statue of Liberty to the left of us and the Queensboro Bridge to the right. After eating our dessert, we headed back to Manhattan on the bridge. It was hard not to look down and get scared because you could see the cars passing underneath through the gaps between the wood. All in all, it was an awesome night! I had the best time with my friends and this moment was definitely one of the highlights of my summer. It was a new experience for many of us and the wonderful summer breeze that night just made it even better!

I guess it's important to note post writing our personal essays that this was a result of taking kickboxing classes. I wanted to try new things and going on the Brooklyn Bridge that day was my idea :o)

Blog #11 - Personal Item Story

I bought a pack of 12 yellow highlighters (Highlighter Hype! from Staples to be exact) during the second semester of freshman year. I used to use the neon pink, blue, and green ones back in high school because it looked "pretty" against the plain white paper. As soon as I got to college and began reading pages and pages of research findings, stories, essays, etc. for homework, I found that it got a little sloppy and the ink seeped through the back of the page, which really annoyed me.

Highlighters are very important to me because it captures vital information that I will need to produce papers during my academic career. Now that I'm in the last phase of my undergraduate studies, I can't live without my highlighters! It's like me going to class without a writing utensil; I need my highlighters so that the information sticks out to me. It also helps me to understand what I'm reading because I can piece the information together based on what was highlighted and then produce my own summary of what it was all about.

Blog #10 - So...whatcha gonna do now, huh?!

During class on Wednesday, Dr. Chandler gave us a series of questions to think about regarding our two personal essays. We basically compared the two to see which one to revise for a final grade. Some of the things we needed to think about were: purpose of each essay, audience, importance of the content, if we liked it or not, does it have a good idea or concept, does it meet the requirements of the assignment, which one would be the easiest to revise, etc. Based on my answers to these questions, I have decided to revise my essay #2. Since both of my essays are based on the same event in my life (going through a break up and then discovering kickboxing), I wanted to do essay #2 because it emcompasses both of them. Both essays were fairly easy to write because these events took place within the past few months. It was hard trying to go back in time to rethink my thoughts and the feelings I felt but the great advantage of it is that I documented these moments in my personal journal. I was able to get my ideas for my essays from there.

Blog #9 - Draft #2 of Personal Essay "Kickin' Ass"

*Names have been changed just like essay #1.

And so it was. After three years, two months, and nine days, our relationship was finally over. I thought everything was going to be okay, that he'd forgive me for being so stupid, for overreacting, for breaking up with him when I shouldn't have done so. It was different this time and unlike any other fight we had in the past. It was over. Daniel no longer wanted anything to do with me. He said that he wanted/needed more time to think things through, to figure out why God allowed this to happen to us. He said that he prayed for "signs" that would guide him to his decision on whether or not he should take me back. He was waiting and so was I. We were both waiting for that sign but it never came. And so "we" were over.

Days following the breakup, I thought about every word exchanged between us over and over again, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Obviously I was stupid for breaking it off in the first place because I did it out of spite. It wasn't because I didn't love him; it was my jealousy and anger that got the best of me. Well, how was I supposed to react when he didn't call me at the time he said he was supposed to?! Was he out with another girl? Was he cheating on me? Or was it something small, something that I shouldn't even worry about? Was his phone on silent that he couldn't hear it? What if he accidentally left it at home, so obviously he couldn't hear it and call me back? But what if something terribly bad happened to him? Maybe he got into a car accident and died suddenly without saying goodbye?! All of these questions kept running through my mind and wouldn't shut up! At around 2AM, I finally got the call from Daniel. I was relieved that he was alive but extremely upset that it took him so long to get back to me. So yes, he should have called to let me know where he was but I shouldn't have gotten mad at him to the point where I broke off our relationship. He said that I didn't trust him, and looking back at it now, I guess I didn't. I overreacted and so it was over.

My world was turned upside down when "we" were over. It was such a big change not having him in my life anymore. He was the first person I talked to in the morning and the last voice I heard before going to bed at night. My days were incomplete without him and I felt lost. Days turned into weeks and I couldn't shake off that feeling. I was empty inside because the better half of me, my motivation, my inspiration, was gone. During this time, my friends constantly reminded me that I was "too good for him" and that "there's other fish in the sea" but I didn't want to go fishing. I wanted him back.

About a month after the breakup, I met up with my best friend Kristy at Applebee's on Morris Ave. I hadn't seen her in a really long time so we updated each other on what was happening in our lives. She told me about her husband and how happy she was about being married and I on the flipside told her about my breakup. Talk about polar opposites! Anyways, she said something that really got to me. I don't remember exactly what she said but I definitely had an "a-ha" moment. I realized that I was no longer "me". For the past three years, my life revolved around him, I guess I should say, my life WAS him. Everything I did revolved around him. Whatever he wanted to do, I would do. Wherever he wanted to go, I'd go too. Whatever he wanted to eat, I'd eat, and on and on and on. It was never about my wants or my needs. It was all about him. It was at that moment when I felt like a total bitch, his little bitch that did everything in her power to please her master. I failed to realize that I died. I was with a man that slowly killed me.

I then said to myself, "Enough is enough!" I wasn't going to waste my time and energy feeling sorry for myself. I wanted a change; I needed a change.

As soon as I got home that day, I was on a quest to "find myself". I searched online for about two hours to see if there was anything I could find that would improve me. I obviously knew that it was going to take some time, but I needed to start somewhere. I was really excited about this new journey I was going to take. I wanted to do something that I never had the opportunity to do before, so I googled in "classes - nyc". I've always wanted to learn how to play the violin, I said to myself, so why not look for an instructor that would teach me. Too expensive? What about dance lessons? Maybe I'll find a really hot guy that'll teach me how to salsa and then dance right on into my heart?! Ah...but I have two left feet so he'll probably be turned off by lack of coordination and rhythm. Then I thought, what about kickboxing? I've always wanted to do that, and plus I needed to get in shape for the summer to look my best in the two-piece bikini I just bought.

And there it was on Craig's List. A woman advertising her kickboxing classes in the city - $10 for the first class or bring a friend and your class is free! That's not so bad, I said to myself. I'll just keep bringing more friends so that I won't have to pay for the class. The next think I did was to look at hopstop.com to see if the venue was close to my house. Sure enough, it was only one train ride and about six stops away. Great! I didn't even have to transfer. I was excited because I knew something great was going to come out of this.

*****

It was an all-girls class. The studio was smaller than I expected but it was a good enough size to fit the seven of us. There were mirrors on the wall but the instructor insisted on covering them with white sheets so that none of us would feel self-conscious about our moves.

"Welcome to the class everyone!" Heather said. "I'm really excited to have you all here today. I hope you've brought some anger with you cause we're definitely gonna punch it out."

As soon as she said that, I knew I was in the right place. With whatever I had bottled up inside, I knew that it was going to come out one way or the other. Warm ups were finally over and the bulk of the class was done doing this:

"Jab, jab, jab!" Heather yelled.
"Jab, jab, cross!"
"Jab, cross, jab!"
"Jab, uppercut, cross, kick!"

I was sweating like a pig but I didn't care. I felt so empowered and ready to fight the world. Heather told us to picture someone in our head, someone that "pissed us off", and just punch it out. I did, and I hadn't felt that good in a really long time. I wasn't just punching air; I was punching all the negativity out of me.

*****

I looked forward to Tuesday nights from that day onward. I told all my friends about it, encouraging them to join me, not only because I wanted the free class but because it was a wonderful way to release stress and get in shape all at the same time. Through my words and my actions, everyone around me noticed a great shift in my personality. My attitude and outlook on life changed and I was willing to try new things and be more spontaneous. Through my experience, I learned to love me first before anyone else. I was kickin' ass every step of the way!

"So..." Kristy said during one of our recent conversations on the phone. "If you had the chance to go back and change anything, would you?"

It didn't take me long to respond to her question. "No," I said, "I wouldn't change anything at all."

It's times like these that you value the most in your life. Even though I lost three years of my life, I learned so much from it. (add more here...reflection??!)

In-Class Post for Dr. Chandler

As I read through the comments my fellow classmates wrote for me, I agree with everyone and I feel that this session totally helped! Each of them gave a different concept/main idea that I can use in my writing and I guess my job is to mesh all of their thoughts into one "thing" the entire piece is going to be about. I already know what I want to write about and I can visualize the scenes I will be including in my essay, but my question to you is: what are you looking for in my essay that I should include? Like I said, I totally agree with everyone's comments and I will take them into consideration as I write my second essay.

Blog #8 - Reflect for Personal Essay #2

As I look back at the various responses I have in my journal, I notice two items that seem to come up over and over again - hurricanes and kickboxing. I would love to write my second essay on either one of these topics, but I'm leaning more towards writing about kickboxing since it is the most recent event that has happened in my life. My closest friends have noticed that kickboxing has had a great impact on the way I carry myself and the way I live my life now. I would like to write about my experience this summer and how I started kickboxing classes because it sort of relates to my first essay about my breakup with the "ex". Since both of these events happened around the same time and since the emotions are still fresh in my mind, it won't be that difficult (or maybe it will??) to write the second essay.

Even though my mind's 99.98% made up and my heart's set on writing about kickboxing, I'm still having second thoughts on wanting to write about my experience in a hurricane. This happened when I was about 6 years old when my family lived in Hawaii. If I write my essay on this event, it would be similar to "Biography of a Dress" because I would have to reflect on what happened in the past. This would be interesting because it's something unique written from a child's perspective. This would also be quite difficult because I don't remember a lot of what happened that day. If I were to write about the hurricane, I can already see myself adding false information in order to make it better, which we have learned, is misleading and not the "right way" of producing a creative nonfiction piece. So I guess my mind's 100% made up now - kickboxing it is.

So my kickboxing story...I guess I can start off with the breakup and how "crappy" I felt. Another scene can be about me wanting to move on when I finally realized that I was "too good" to sit around, waiting for someone else to make me happy. I knew that I wanted something new, something better, so I can talk about searching online for classes to take in the city in order for me to explore what's out in the world and just have new experiences as a single person. I can talk about stumbling upon a woman's ad on Craig's List advertising her kickboxing class. I can then explain how this discovery served as a stepping stone for me to move on. Another "episode" will definitely be my first kickboxing class and how liberating it made me feel. There's just so much I can do with this that I'm getting really exciting just talking about it now.

Since we have to choose between which essay we'd like to revise and do a final copy on, my advantage of writing about two events that are connected is that this will allow me to use both my essays for final grading. I will get advice from all you lovely people as well as the professor on how to mesh these two essays together into one.

Blog #7 - Experience Writing First Essay

For my first personal essay, I decided to write a memoir about a turning point in my life when my boyfriend and I broke up. I wrote it as if I was writing in my journal but for an audience to read. I wrote about how this experience helped me realize how to be patient and that everything happens for a reason. I decided that I wanted it to be an example of "accumulation" because the story chronicled different days that came together in the end.

As I prepared to write this story, I looked at my personal journal and read past entries. I took different moments throughout this period of my life to include in the paper. This essay was originally supposed to be about kickboxing and what I learned from it (which kind of related to the breakup) but this first essay turned out to be about what I learned personally and how it gave me more faith to just believe in what God could do for me.

I realized alot of things about myself as I wrote this essay but I feel like the entire story wasn't told properly - it can be better. Based on my conference with Dr. Chandler, I feel like that this essay needs more scenes wherein I'm realizing that this relationship wasn't going to work out. I need to change my focus so that my audience can relate to my story because I feel that the first draft was lacking that.

When I revise this essay, I would like to focus more on my discovery of what love is. During the conference, I realized that I couldn't see what love was all about until I got out of the relationship. I also realized that when I was in the relationship, all I wanted to do was to keep the "love" even though it wasn't the real kind of love that's described in the Bible.

For my second essay, I have two ideas on what I want to write about - either kickboxing or experiencing a hurricane when I was younger. If I write about kickboxing, that will relate to my first essay since both of them happened almost at the same point in my life. If I write about the hurricane, I would like to model it after "Biography of a Dress" by Kincaid because it will be written during the present as I look back at what happened to me when I was younger and how it has shaped the way I view life and the world in general.

Blog #6 - Draft #1 of Personal Essay "Patience"

** Names have been altered to conceal the identity of those that I’m talking about

Dear Daniel,
Before we started “talking” three years ago, I asked God to bless me with someone I could call my friend and my partner. I wanted someone who was tall and very handsome; someone who I could sing with, someone who was funny, and someone who could cook. I wanted someone who got along with my family, someone I could tell my secrets to, and be myself with; someone who was hardworking and had high hopes for the future. God answered my prayers three years ago and gave me you.
I really saw a future with you and I really thought (and still do believe) that you were (are) the perfect person for me...and I'm going to quote you on this and say that you were (and still are) one of my favorite blessings. After three years, I really saw you as a main character in my future, someone I would share the rest of my life with.
Anyways, just like any other relationship, we also had our share of downs like the countless fights we would have because of my insecurities about other girls, your insecurities about other boys, etc. etc. etc. I guess there's just too many to mention, huh? Well, I'd rather not include them, but you know what I mean. After all the fights, God still wanted us to be together.
If I haven't said it enough, I'm sorry for all the pain that I have put you through. I'm sorry if I haven't grown enough for you and if my trust wasn't up to your standards. I'm sorry that I didn't offer you the happiness you deserved. In spite of all the ups and lots and lots of downs, I really did enjoy our roller coaster ride. You stole my heart three years ago, so I kinda want it back...I gotta have something to give to the next person that comes along, and here's your heart that I've stolen. I hope it's still in working condition.
Love, Me

A lot has changed within this past month. Daniel and I are no longer together. I understand that it was my fault and I really do miss him. I can't stop thinking about him but I need to; I want to and so does he. Yesterday I went to see him at work because he wasn't answering my phone calls nor was he replying to my e-mails. I was there at 11:30 AM waiting for him; a little stockerish, I know. Anyways, my mission was to win him back. I figured that since it worked during our last major fight, then going to his working place would be even better. I prayed to God for His help and guidance and He told me to just go there and do what I needed to do. At first, I was really nervous. But I knew deep down inside that God was with me.

I waited in the car since 11:30 AM dressed really cute in the sparkly skirt that Daniel loved. My plan didn't really go the way I wanted it to because he was stuck in a 5-hour meeting. I ended up staying there the whole day, waiting and waiting. When he finally came out, we went to Cold Stone a few blocks away to talk. To make a long story short, I really wanted things to work out between us; I really wanted him back. Unfortunately (or maybe it's for the better) I'm here now, without Daniel.

I realized today that the past three years have really been about him, as in him really being my “everything”. I now realize that I had no choice but to make him my everything. When my family moved to New York, I had to split my time between going to school in Jersey and staying home in Long Island City. Whenever I was in Jersey, I had to divide my time doing school work and time spent with him since that was the only time I got to see him. Whenever I was in LIC, I had to balance my time between family, school work, church, and squeezing in time for him. So yes, I did make him my “everything” because I had no other choice but to. I know that things happen for a reason and things are supposed to happen because it's what God wants. I know I have to suffer now and be lonely, but I also know deep down inside everything is going to get better. I have to believe that my unhappiness is only temporary.

Yesterday on our way to Elizabeth, Dad talked to us about "relationships". He said that if the “love” that is described in the Bible isn't present in a relationship, then there really is no love to begin with. I looked online as soon as we got back home to see what the verse says and sadly enough, I really didn’t love Daniel. As much as I said it with words and tried to show it with my actions, I never really trusted him. I never let him have his freedom because of my insecurities that he would cheat on me. I was very jealous of him and the people he hung out with and well, I guess I just never really loved love him.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

As I look back at our relationship, I had the love all wrong. I was never patient, I was sometimes kind, I did envy and I was rude. I was easily angered and I did keep a record of all his wrongs. I guess our love failed.

God...please help me and please grant my prayers. I'm really trying and I know you see that I'm trying but please help me to be patient and to endure. Let love always be in my heart, the pure and genuine love that is not jealous or angry. Help me to get through this. Help me see the reason why this all happened and let me be thankful that this is happening because it's bringing me closer to You. Just please...let me have my chance of happiness again. I know it will come soon, just help me to wait patiently.